Confusion over Forgiveness

 

Over the past 40 years Christian writers have put forward over twenty six different ways to forgive.  Is that possible?  Is it biblical?  Are there really twenty six ways to forgive someone who has wronged you, hurt you—sinned against you?  Or are Christians confused about how to forgive others, having let the world’s views of forgiveness distort God’s clear description and demonstration of forgiveness revealed in the Bible? 

We are to forgive others “just as” or “in the same way” as God forgives us.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”  Ephesians 4:31-32 

God practices forgiveness in just one way, through the Cross of Jesus Christ.

Listed below are twenty six ways to forgive we have discovered in current Christian literature (over 50 Christian books).  Unfortunately, most of them could be taught to a non-Christian audience, since their model of forgiveness is not dependent upon the Cross.  Several are not even dependent upon God.  Only the last one describes a forgiveness that is fully dependent upon God and the Cross of Jesus Christ. 

1.      Forgiving others is accomplished by denying our need for justice and focusing on our need for healing.  Forgiveness is not logical, and it is not fair.  Forgiveness is navigating through the turbulent waters of our pain and asking for God’s help in forgiving those we need to forgive.

2.      Forgiving others is accomplished by rejecting the notion of justice and by entering into a long, relational process based on understanding and grace.

3.      Forgiving others is accomplished by focusing on changing our behavior toward the people who hurt us.

4.      Forgiving others is accomplished by choosing to think positive thoughts and by rejecting negative, judgmental thoughts through which Satan can gain an advantage.

5.      Forgiving others is accomplished by expressing the fullness of love.

·        Seeing the people who hurt us as having worth again, regardless of what they did wrong.

·        Seeing the people who hurt us as equally precious again, in spite of the pain we feel.

·        Canceling our demands on the past, recognizing that changing the unchangeable is    impossible.

·        Working through the anger and pain felt by trusting and risking until genuineness in intention is perceived and repentance is seen.

·        Dropping the demands for a guarantee of future behavior.

·        Touching each other deeply, to feel moved in warmth, love, compassion, and to celebrate forgiveness in mutual recognition that right relationships have been achieved.

6.      Forgiving others is accomplished by extending love and grace.

7.      Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Getting alone with the Lord
• Remembering that He has forgiven you
• Asking the Holy Spirit to be your Counselor
• Not running from the pain; but by release it
• Taking each person and offense before the Lord:
• “Lord, before You today I forgive (the offender) for (the offense).  I will not fight back or seek revenge.  I am trusting You to act on my behalf.  Heal my broken heart.”
• Destroying the records of wrongs done 

8.      Forgiving others is accomplished by working through the emotional issues towards emotional healing.

9.      Forgiveness is accomplished by

• Uncovering Your Anger
• Deciding to Forgive
• Working on Forgiveness
• Discovery and release from emotional prison

10.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Dealing with sin honestly
• Requiring the offender to repentant
• Giving it graciously and generously
• Facing the facts
• Feeling the feelings
• Making a decision and a declaration
• Refreshing it—forgiveness is a process

11.  Forgiving others is accomplished by making three promises

·        I will not bring up this offense again or use it against you.

·        I will not bring it up to others in gossip, or malign you because of it.

·        I will not bring it up to myself and dwell on this offense.

12.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Recognizing the injury
• Identifying the emotions involved
• Expressing your hurt and anger
• Setting boundaries to protect yourself
• Canceling the debt (The author does not say how to do this.)
• Considering the possibility of reconciliation

13.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Placing blame appropriately
• Grieving
• Forgiving by writing letters of hurt, anger and forgiveness to the offender and by setting up a marker to commemorate the event.
• Considering reconciliation
• Learning to trust again.

14.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Restoring the attitude of love
• Releasing the painful past
• Reconstruction the relationship
• Reopening the future
• Reaffirming the relationship”

15.  Forgiving others is accomplished when we hear the offender ask for

      forgiveness in the way that makes the most sense to us.

16.  Forgiving others is accomplished by making a choice and through prayer.

17.  Forgiving others is accomplished by making and keeping four promises

• I will not think about this incident
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you
• I will not talk to others about this incident
• I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship 

18.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Recognizing that we are forgiven
• Forgiving the debt—mentally bundling up all our hostile feelings and surrendering them to Christ
• Accepting those who offend us and releasing them from any responsibility to meet our needs.
• Viewing others as tools of growth in God’s hands
• Make reconciliation

19.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Choose to forgive
• View forgiveness as an act of obedience to God
• Remove past offenses from the mind
• Meditate on Scripture
• Give your hurts to God
• Pray for the offender

20.  Forgiving others is accomplished by acting lovingly towards those who hurt

      us by

• Making the deliberate and irrevocable choice not to tell anyone what they did
• Being pleasant to them should you be around them
• If conversation ensues, saying that which would set them free from guilt
• Letting those who hurt you feel good about themselves
• Protecting them from their greatest fear
• Keeping it up today, tomorrow, this year and next
• Praying for them

21.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Discovering the humanity of the person who hurt us.
• Surrendering our right to get even.
• Revising our feelings toward the person we forgive.

22.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Making a decision to forgive
• Praying to ask God to show you who to forgive
• Starting to forgive by praying the following prayer:

“Lord Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross that I might be forgiven.  I am sorry for my own sins, and I ask You to be my Savior and the Lord of my life.  And now please forgive me for the things that I have done wrong.  Please help me to forgive from my heart all the people on my list…Now I choose to forgive [insert the name of the person you are forgiving] for [insert a brief description of what was done to you], and I release [insert the person’s name] into the freedom of my forgiveness.  I will not hold these things against [insert the person’s name] anymore.”

• Asking God to set you free
• Saying you’re sorry for blaming God
• Praying the most powerful prayer on earth—“Father, forgive them.  They do not know what they are doing.”
• Expecting your resurrection morning

23.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Listening for the hurt within.
• Naming the pain and the people who have caused it.
• Praying for the grace and courage to forgive and praying for the one who has caused the hurt.
• Deciding to work a process toward forgiveness of the person who hurt us.
• Rehearsing, as the father of the Prodigal Son must have done.
• Taking action—somehow connect with the person who is to be forgiven.
• Creating an environment of hospitality for the person who expressed sorrow, or proactively seek the transgressor out and be hospitable.
• Praying with the other, if that is acceptable and helpful.
• Praising God for the share in Christ’s victorious resurrection.
• Deepening the experience: reconcile and remember

24.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Admit the pain
• Work through confused feelings
• Seek information
• Allow information to become insight
• Choose to relinquish the whole event

25.  Forgiving others is accomplished by blessing your enemy and letting God take vengeance.

26.  Forgiving others is accomplished by

• Identifying the sin and the person(s) responsible for it
• Feeling, along with God, the reality of the sin—the hurt and the anger
• Agreeing with God’s just condemnation of that sin—the guilty person should be executed
• Embracing the execution of Jesus Christ as the full and just payment for that sin
• Communicate with God about
  • Your recognition of the sin
  • Your feelings of hurt and anger
  • Your recognition of His just condemnation
  • Your acceptance of Jesus’ execution as the full and just payment for this sin—you will not punish someone for something Jesus already died for
  • You commitment to love in appropriate ways the person who sinned against you

• Find the appropriate ways to love the person who sinned against you

Forgiveness Ministries emphasizes the Cross of Christ as the only just reason upon which God can and does forgive us of the penalty of our sins.  We also emphasize the Cross of Jesus Christ as the only just and effective basis upon which we can forgive other people of the penalty for their sins.  (See number 26 in the list.)