Reasons Why People Do Not Practice Forgiveness Well

People do not naturally practice forgiveness.  Even when a person becomes a Christian there are still many reasons that can hinder them from practicing all aspects of forgiveness well, or at all.  Here are some of the most common reasons why people fail to practice forgiveness well.

People fail to fully receive God’s forgiveness when:

• They believe that God forgives people because He loves them (not because of the Cross) and they believe that God should not or cannot love them
• They believe that what they did in the long past, or before they became a Christian, doesn’t matter anymore 
• They believe that they must do something to earn God’s forgiveness
• They believe that forgiveness means that they can sin without having to suffer the consequences of their sin
• They are too full of shame and fear to be able to face their sins and failures directly
• They believe that little sins do not need attention
• They do not take responsibility for their sins

People fail to effectively forgive others when:

• They confuse forgiving people of the penalty for sins with forgiving people of the consequences of sins
• They want to remain angry to comfort their pain
• They want to use their anger as leverage to control other people
•  They come to depend on being a victim to get what they need from other people
• They believe that forgiveness means sacrificing their need to see justice
• They believe that forgiveness means trusting the offender
• They believe that forgiveness means tolerating someone’s hurtful behavior
• They believe that forgiveness means letting someone hurt you again
• They justify someone’s sin to avoid feeling pain or shame

People fail to sincerely ask others to forgive them when:

• They are afraid of being rejected
• They are afraid of the consequences of their sins
• They are overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy
• They think that if everything seems okay on the outside then everything is okay on the inside
• They think that if it happened a long time ago, it doesn’t really matter anymore
• They fail to practice the first two paths of forgiveness first
• They fail to feel the severity of the pain and damage they caused by their sin
• They let the other person’s sin blind them to their own sin

People condemn themselves when:

• They fail to fully receive God’s forgiveness
• They fail to effectively forgive the people who sin against them
• They fail to sincerely ask the people they have sinned against to forgive them
• They believe that they must earn God’s love

People remain angry at God when:

• God doesn’t live up to their expectations
• They believe that God is responsible for their pain and loss

In general, people fail to practice forgiveness because:

• They do not know what forgiveness is
• They did not grow up in a home where authentic forgiveness was practiced
• They have not seen other people practice forgiveness well
• They believe that they don’t need to
• They believe that they have already done it, even thought the symptoms of non-forgiveness remain (i.e. anger, guilt, shame, depression, self-condemnation, compulsive behaviors)